The Distance Between Success & Satisfaction: Unpacking the Quiet Burnout of High Achievers Series - Part 3
by Dr. Bryanna Campbell
Part 3 – The Quiet Disconnection: When Striving Transitions Into Numbness
Welcome back and welcome to any new readers.
Ready to be real?
After a while, the constant striving and grinding can stop feeling motivating—and instead can start to feel mechanical, or even automatic. (Read Running on Autopilot blog here.)
I have no doubt that you know how to navigate your responsibilities. You get up, move through the usual motions, you move through all your task lists. You meet and even exceed expectations. You present as put together and polished. You pose and smile in videos and photos. And yet still, somewhere deep within you can’t help but feel empty.
No excitement. No enthusiasm. Just constant moving and striving.
In my observation, this is the quiet disconnection that people (especially Black women) often report follows after years of high achievement. This isn’t because you did something wrong—but possibly because you haven’t experienced feeling safe within yourself outside of constant striving and achievement.
When The Pursuit of Achievement Becomes Your Identity
For many of us, the hustle starts young. Did you receive compliments for being responsible, independent, “mature for your age?” Did you believe that good behavior and excellence earned you love, connection, and validation? If so, that kind of message can stick over time:
“If I’m not achieving something, I’m wasting time or I’m not good enough. My worth is fully dependent on what service I can provide others.”
So maybe you keep pressing forward—through your exhaustion (mind, body, and spirit), through your loneliness (feeling disconnected from yourself and others), through your swelling feelings of burnout. But we all know that one day, eventually, your nervous system catches up to you. Your mind and body may start whispering (or yelling), “I can’t continue like this. This isn’t sustainable.”
Even so… you’re not sure how to pivot or stop.
Because if you’re not the achiever, who are you?
What’s The Cost of Disconnecting from Yourself?
When all effort is placed on achieving and performing, there’s not much room left for being and existing. You become so good at looking like you have it all together that you become unsure of how to access the core parts of yourself.
Time and time again, self-abandonment can compound and start to show up in ways you didn’t anticipate. Maybe it shows up as:
Never being impressed with yourself, even after a significant “win”. We’re not talking about humility here, more so a blatant dismissal of your gifts and efforts.
Experiencing decision fatigue or confusion about what it is that you really want from yourself, others, and your life.
Chronically feeling unsettled or fatigued which can sometimes be disguised as “being busy.”
Feeling like you're playing a role or character more than feeling like you are living your actual life.
Many people express shame for feeling this way, but are often relieved when they can admit it in a supportive space.
You’re not making this feeling up. You’re not being ridiculous. You’re not ungrateful.
You’ve likely been operating on autopilot for quite some time.
You’re Allowed to Want More—Even If You Can’t Name It Yet
Those feelings of numbness or being unsettled don’t have to be thought of as you failing. Maybe it can be interpreted as a sign that you’d like the desires of your inner life to catch up with your outer experience. Perhaps there are parts of you— those tender, creative, human parts—that are ready to be explored and experienced. Not for their utility, but for who they inherently are.
Are you interested in reconnecting with yourself? You’ll need to start listening deeper.
Your reflection and journal questions:
When did you first start noticing that you were drifting away from yourself? How do you experience the disconnect we explored here? Do you know what alignment may look and feel like for you?
Next Up:
In the final part of this series, we’ll discuss what fulfillment can actually look like—and how you can begin the voyage of creating a life that feeds you, not just your CV or resume.
Till next time.