The Distance Between Success & Satisfaction: Unpacking the Quiet Burnout of High Achievers Series - Part 2
by Dr. Bryanna Campbell
Part 2: The Pressure to Succeed (Even If It Hurts)
Welcome back and welcome to any new readers.
So tell me, have you ever heard any statements like these?
“You have so much going for you.”
“You have to be great - that’s what we expect from you.”
“You can’t waste the opportunities we never had. If you do, you’re ungrateful.”
Maybe these phrases were said to motivate and encourage you. Somehow, somewhere along the way, they became something heavier—something that you may experience as pressure, obligation, even guilt.
When the idea of success isn’t just your personal goal but experienced as a duty or responsibility, it can stop feeling like a choice. For some it can feel like an obligation or performance you find hard to step away from—even when it starts to hurt.
The Invisible Weight of “Making It”
Many of us, particularly Black women, are raised in families and communities where excellence is not optional—it’s expected and even sometimes required. To an extent, there are understandable and good reasons for this. There’s a deep, generational yearning and need to break unhelpful and harmful cycles, to shatter obstructions, and to demonstrate your worth in a world that has often committed to not to see or recognize it. And all of this happens within societal structures that are rigged to make you question yourself, obstruct you from access to knowledge and resources, or even keep you dysregulated to the point that you are unsure if you can function.
It is important to be mindful that what may start as encouragement and motivation can morph into pressure over time.
In my clinical experience I’ve noticed some themes that can come from this:
You may learn to always be “on.”
You can start to feel far away from yourself or that there are parts of yourself you can’t access.
You may always be preparing for the next level or achievement.
You may feel the need to ensure that you’re not simply good—but incredible.
You fear letting people down and disappointing them or not honoring the sacrifice of those before you.
You may even fear letting people close because they may see that you’re actually struggling.
You may fear being “wasteful” with your talents and gifts or seen as ungrateful.
You may fear what may happen if you pause, slow down, change direction, or admit you don’t even want what you’ve been chasing anymore.
Because if you were to slow down or even stop… What was it all for?
When Other People’s Dreams Become Your Blueprint
Is it possible that the success you’re chasing isn’t even yours? Is it possible that it’s inherited? Pursued in response to circumstances you wanted to distance yourself from?
Maybe it’s what your family hoped for you. Or perhaps what your community said they needed from you. Is it what your peers or mentors told you was possible?
That’s wonderful. Until it isn't.
Until you’re in a job, a business, a city, or a relationship that looks incredible on paper—but doesn’t feel right in your body and spirit.
The pressure to "live up to" your potential can start to silence your discernment and intuition. You may start choosing what’s impressive or the “natural next step” versus what you find to be meaningful. You may conflate achievement with alignment. When that type of disconnection happens it can distance you from the wisest parts of yourself that knows what you actually want. When you feel disconnected from your inherent, divine wisdom you might feel anxious, depressed, irritable, apathetic, or just unsettled.
The Guilt of Wanting Something Different
For this next part I ask you to be really honest with yourself.
Do you want to slow down? Does shifting careers or focus feel alluring to you? Do you feel the true internal need to rest? Does the idea of starting something entirely new excite you? You might think it, but then comes the judgement and guilt.
“So many people would be happy to have what I have.”
“I should be grateful.”
“I’ve dedicated so much time and so much of my life to this—how and why would I walk away now?”
Here are some truths for you to consider:
Appreciation and desire can coexist.
You can feel proud of what you’ve accomplished and still want something more or even different.
You can love and care for your community and still want a life that feels like it includes you.
You can honor a legacy—and still honor you.
Your reflection and journal questions:
Is there anything you desire for yourself that no one may know about? What would you do if you weren’t concerned about disappointing anyone? Do you ever daydream about living another life? How does it compare or contrast to your current experience?
Coming Up Next:
In Part 3, we’ll explore what happens when striving for something encompasses your entire identity—and how years of chasing the next achievement can leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unsure how to come back home to yourself.
Till next time.